hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The power of my boobs compel you
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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