i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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