On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
