so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
