Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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