went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
