I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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