she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
