the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
