Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Randomize
