you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
