She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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