I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
