just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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