so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just high enough for therapy.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
