Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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