look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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