I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
