my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
