just come out here and I will go home with you...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
