I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
