smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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