i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
