I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
