**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
it was like his penis was on wheels.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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