it hurts more in the daytime
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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