He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
