It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
