Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
