I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
