Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
