Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
