My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
