At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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