I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
