Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
