I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I could have mohawked her pubes.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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