The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
