how can u be prego again
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
