Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
