He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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