I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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