She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
