I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You've changed since you got that strap on
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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