why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
