wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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