i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
