Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
