the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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