ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
