thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
