Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
