He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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