I'm lost and stupid without you.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
